Easy Boundaries
Hello! This post is one that a lot of us struggle with. Today we’ll discuss how to set and enforce boundaries in different aspects of life (work, family and relationships). You’ll learn how to use one of the shortest and most important sentences there is: No. Let’s dive in!
First, though, you may be wondering why you find it so difficult to set boundaries. Are you someone who is a dedicated people-pleaser? That’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s great to be kind and helpful when possible. But this can also swiftly lead to burnout. You can’t do absolutely everything all the time. So read on to discover ways to set boundaries while still remaining polite and pleasant.
Work
Does your boss message you at all hours of the day? What should you do? First, find out what your boss’s expectations actually are. Do they expect an immediate response? More importantly, are they entitled to it? If the answer is no to both, schedule a meeting with your boss during work hours. Explain that while you understand there are time-sensitive aspects to your position, your time off is valuable and actually enables you to recharge and return a refreshed, more productive employee. Reinforce this by using the ‘Do Not Disturb’ setting on your phone and email. You can tailor it to a set time (I use mine to ensure I am off limits from Friday 5PM til Monday 8AM). If this doesn’t work, go up the ladder to HR and reference your actual job requirements.
How do your coworkers treat you? Are they gossipy or unkind? It’s ok to not make friends at work. Everyone is there because they’re being paid. It doesn’t mean that you can’t still set a good example of being polite and minding your own business. Take a moment throughout the day to stop and consider how you’re feeling. Are your coworkers making you feel better or worse than when you arrived? If it’s the latter, try to figure out why. Gossip can be stopped with a simple “while that’s interesting, I think I’d better get back to work. I’ve got some things I am obsessed with finishing before I leave for the day”. Unkindness can be neutralized with a quiet smile; don’t repay bad with bad.
Family
This is a tricky one! We don’t get to choose who we end up being related to, but we do get to choose how we navigate our relationships with them. How do your family members treat you in general? Do you find yourself getting roped into attending events when you don’t want to or running errands for people who could probably handle them on their own? Practice saying no without giving too much detail. “I won’t be able to help with this one” or “I don’t have space for that task in my calendar” are great. You aren’t giving an opening for them to counter-offer and, most importantly, you don’t have to.
Are your family members prone to using unkind language with you? “I’m not going to talk to you until you can respond respectfully” and “It really hurts when you talk to me this way” can get them to think about their own behavior and how it affects you. Note: this might not change the way they act, but at least you can set a firm boundary and stick to it. If you get to the point of blocking someone it feels painful, but being berated can affect your mental health very quickly.
Relationships
These might be the hardest to set boundaries in. Have you considered setting boundaries for yourself rather than someone else? For example, if you find yourself in a relationship that has run its course, it’s possible you need to decide what you will or will not tolerate. “I don’t like the way I feel when you do this” or “It’s urgent that we talk about our communication” are useful starters. You should speak openly about your feelings before they bubble up like a volcano.
Sometimes our relationship problems stem from something the other person can’t actually fix. If you have trust issues or unresolved trauma, ensure there is a boundary in place to stop these from ruining your relationship. Try these: “I realize that it’s irrational to need to know where you are at all times. If you could check in at some point during the day I’d feel much better” or “I’ve been snapping at you so much lately. I think it’s time I start going to therapy again before this gets out of control”.
Did you enjoy learning some ways to set boundaries? Have you had to do this lately? Let me know in the comments!
